So, indeed, I am on the waitlist for the only option available to me- it is a six month long "excursion" where I am supposed to eat the food they give me, gain the weight they want me to gain, and grow in my faith while I'm there.

Only problem is that I eat all of my food mashed up, and I'm nearly a raw vegan (but not in the true sense of the word, as I know my food habits are disordered).  No, I will not gain weight, and certainly do not want to.  I should lose another 20 pounds (and consequently, my life) before I go, to be honest.  73 pounds would be nice.

I've determined, in all of my psychological ponderings, that I do this to self-harm, as some pathetic attempt for someone to care.  But no one does, and they are sick and tired of my continual downward spiral.  So please, people, don't express sympathy or some shallow attempt to seem like you want to help.  If you did, you would do something.  But you aren't, so things are fine as they are.

I'll be on this waitlist for around 5 months, supposedly.  Yay.  And that's the unadulterated version of my life.

That's all for now.

Okay, so this has just been my take on this, and I wonder if you'll agree:

These days, disordered eating and EDs are two terms that are used interchangeably. However, while disordered eating is a symptom of an eating disorder, you may not necessary have an ED if you have disordered eating. To clarify: disordered eating is a behaviour, symptom, physical action; whereas, an ED is the medical diagnosis, the actual mental illness, that is the sum of both physical AND mental symptoms.

For example: Take "distorted body image"- you CAN have distorted body image without necessarily have an ED, but it is listed as an almost CERTAIN mental symptom of an ED.

Anyway, if you're wanting to see "disordered eating vs eating disorder" in a more "real life" situation, try pondering this: When was the last time you've seen/heard an ad or a friend promoting some sort of ridiculous or out-of-this-world diet, claiming that it will make them healthier? Now, the fad diet could be considered disordered eating. It's certainly not healthy (see a dietitian if you want a healthy meal plan, people...sheesh!) and it's rather obvious that despite trying to assure everyone that the diet is healthy (cutting out all carbs [AKA ENERGY!], no "white" foods allowed, only eat 5 "specially forumulated" cookies a day, etc...uhm, WHAT?!), they are unwilling to lose the weight by using APPROPRIATE and HEALTHY eating habits. Hence, that example may be considered disordered eating, which, to me, makes it all the more understandable that statistics show 90% (I think?) of all women in the US having disordered eating.

However (pertaining to the above example), to determine if the disordered eating is also part of a bigger issue (an ED), you must follow-up by asking: Does the person following the fad diet plan have a skewed view on their body image (seeing themselves as needing to lose weight when they are at a normal or healthy weight, for example)? Do they use the diet as a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings and emotions? Are they exhibiting the physical/emotional effects typical of EDs (for example, significant weight loss in a short period of time, cessation of menstrual cycle, severe decline in energy or mental faculties, withdrawn/less social/extreme mood swings, following the "rules" of the diet so strictly that it becomes almost obsessive-compulsive, doing other ED-related behaviours like purging/over-exercising/hiding or hoarding food, etc), and, despite being aware of the negative changes, refusing to "quit dieting"? Are they a "chronic dieter" who seems to have tried every "new and improved" diet or weight loss pill or exercise DVD out there? Do they have co-morbid mental illnesses/negative coping mechanisms (depression, bipolar, OCD, drug/alcohol addiction, self-injury, etc) and/or a history of eating disorders in their family?

Obviously, our example friend would need to see a doctor/dietitian/therapist to get medically diagnosed with an eating disorder, but if the dieter presents the majority of those OTHER symptoms, it is pretty evident that the "disordered eating" goes much deeper than just being "a bit too impatient to lose weight appropriately" or "a little self-conscious about some extra weight." In this case, the disordered eating is just one SYMPTOM among many due to an eating disorder.